You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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