last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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