My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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