Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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