No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
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There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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