So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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