Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
