i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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