I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
