When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
