i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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