I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
