Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
