No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
