remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
