I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
