WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
