I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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