I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
