Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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