I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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