CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
