Im at strip club and am horny
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
