Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
