I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
