woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I need to align my fucking chakras
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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