So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
