i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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