I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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