so that wasnt chicken after all
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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