At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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