Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
