we're blogging at a bar
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
