why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
