Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
