It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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