I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
