We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
