Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
