Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
