How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
