Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
