btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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