have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
