I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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