Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
