I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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