the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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