It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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