Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
