I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
