If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
