I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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