And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i think i just lost a toe
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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