I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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