I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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