I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
