my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
