yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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